I am woman

It’s funny how when I finally decide to dust the blog off, topics just keep presenting themselves to write about!

I had an incident occur on Facebook (*sigh*) and originally was going to leave a longer status to update my support network, but decided to take a little time and spend more than 30 seconds on something I felt was more important.

My husband has been traveling quite a bit for work lately, which means I’ve spent more time alone than I have. It takes me a ridiculous amount of time to ask for help. (I’m so horribly stubborn at times.) Going back to the months after Kira was born, I KNOW I need to ask for help more. I KNOW I can’t do it on my own. So when I ask for help (even for something small), it’s not a small feat.

It was a stupid status that started it all…me asking if anyone wanted to join me and the girls to attend a princess party at a local restaurant. And, truth be told, I didn’t expect anyone to take me up on it (we opted not to go and are attending another function this weekend instead). But a comment was made that just really, really struck me.

“If you are the type of mom and women you claim to be you take them yourself”

Yeah.

Now, I know the person that posted this is having some serious difficulties at the time. I know she needs prayers and help. But I also know that she said that with the intent to hurt.

And you know what? It did.

What she didn’t know was what was going on in my head. How difficult it’s been for me lately, how out of control I’ve been feeling.

I’ve been feeling like the worst parent in the world. I yell too much, my house is a disaster, my child told me that she never wanted to go home again this past weekend, and getting a decent meal on the table has been a struggle.

And yet…my kids are safe, happy, well-fed, socialized (ugh). I must be doing something right.

But for that. For me to have my worst fears just written out there by someone who really has no idea.

“If you were the type of mom and woman you claim to be…”

That stings.

I’m not perfect, not better than anyone else out there, and I’ve NEVER claimed to be. I’m not super woman, not a person that I feel deserves to be admired.

Dave and I have worked hard for the life we have and we’re lucky enough to be in a position where we are seeing the benefits of our hard work. Believe me, we have our struggles though.

No one is perfect.

But to have it thrown out there, to have it shoved in your face…(even by someone who is saying it that you probably should just ignore) oh it sucks.

The good from this has been amazing. I have an AMAZING group of people surrounding me, who are willing to take a stand and help me fight. Women coming out of the Facebook woodwork to tell me that what I’m feeling is unjust.

To all of you, thank you.

Thank you for proving that, even when we feel like the worst parent in the world, we are not and it shows.

Thank you for taking the time to lift someone when they’ve been crushed.

Thank you for showing me that, even though one person is trying to shove me down, I have a much MUCH large group there to lift me up.

May we all be blessed to have the love and support that I’ve experienced.

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Why homeschool?

That’s a question we get often. Usually followed by “I could NEVER do that” or “I just LOVE my time alone when the kids are at school!”.

You know what? I daydream of having time to myself and a house that stays clean for more than 2 minutes. I lose my temper more than I should and in no way, can claim to know everything I need to teach my kids.

But I still feel like it’s the best.

Paige (6) is the only one who is currently being homeschooled. (Kira is 3 & Zoe is 6 months, so they have a while) She has NO attention span or impulse control. It’s to the point where I’m debating seeking at actual ADD/ADHD diagnosis just so I can talk to someone about how to help her. If she were to go to school, it’s almost certain that they would want her to go on medicine (which we are against until it becomes an absolute necessity). Or she would be like my brother and labeled a trouble-maker. Like him, she’s a good kid who just has difficulties at time.

Then there’s common core. Ugh, don’t get me started. NCLB, common core, WHATEVER they want to call it is horrible (and yes, I know those are two separate programs, however, they both stink). The federal government needs to stay out of the school systems and let the teachers teach. Sure, there are horrible teachers who don’t deserve a job, but do we need to move in such a direction that the teachers are merely facilitators? What happens to the “good” teachers then? I had some fantastic teachers growing up and there is no way their teaching style would work with the new “guidelines”.

Now, I would very likely drive the girls to school, if they were to go. But the behaviors and attitudes I’ve seen? Yeah, I don’t want my girls around that all day. Believe me, it’s bad enough with them just being together.

Academically, Paige is extremely advanced. Part of why I’d like to get her a diagnosis is to see if she qualifies as gifted. She’s 6 and registered with the state as being in kindergarten. However, she’s in 2nd grade curriculum for Language Arts and History and 3rd grade for Math (other subjects aren’t by grade). She’s been reading chapter books for a good 6 months. And I honestly feel like her two 2nd grade curriculum classes are too easy. Child would be bored out of her mind if we were to put her in a school setting where she had to do what the class was doing. I understand that I could fight to get her into a gifted program or attempt to make sure her teach challenged her, but why deal with that when I can keep her home and tailor her school to her?

The last thing I’ll hit on (because Zoe is melting down and Paige is singing while she does school, which means the level of chaos going on is HIGH), is that our school day is typically over at 12, no later than 1 (unless Paige is really pushing the envelope on how much she wants to test me for the day). They have all afternoon and evening to play, instead of a couple 15 minute recesses and coming home to more homework.

So why do we homeschool? Because at this point, it’s what is best for our children. Because I truly believe that the school systems aren’t doing what they are supposed to for our children.

(Disclaimer – I don’t fault you for sending your children to school. Nor do I believe that everyone can or should homeschool. These are just our personal opinions.)

Starting over

So, it’s been a while. In fact, so long I probably should just start at the beginning.

My name is Kelley. Hi! I’ve been married to Dave since 2006. We’re that young couple that’s still on the floor with the older couples at our friend’s wedding when they do that ridiculous anniversary dance.

I have 3 daughters…apparently, my husband is not allowed to have another male in the house. Well, except the dog, but he’s “special”.

We homeschool our oldest and intend to homeschool the other two as well. Many reasons, but that’s almost another blog post by itself.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s not uncommon to find me in my pajamas at 5 in the evening. Hey, they’re comfortable!

I used to do some photography work, but that’s really fallen by the way-side. I’m hoping to get back into it when the girls are older. There are times when I really miss shooting, but then there are times when it’s nice to not feel pressured to be the one photographing whatever event is currently going on.

Our family tends to travel quite a bit and we love it. Just this summer, we spent almost 2 weeks in Utah and a week at Sunset Beach, NC. And in a little over a month, Dave and I will be heading to Europe (work trip for him). This will be my first visit to Europe, so I’m excited. Munich and Oberstaufen (Germany) and Paris. Yep, it’s going to be fun.

My first love has been and will always be music. I play a few instruments (not well, mind you!) and used to play organ for a church. Sad to say, that’s a big reason why I’ve distanced myself from all ministry. I used to have that calling, but now I’m horribly jaded in how the church works. I still love the piano and love singing.

After our 2nd child, I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression (PPD). That was a dark period in my life. There are still days when I feel unbalanced or I get angry at every little thing, but I ¬†know that it will always be an on-going battle. For the most part, I’ve been able to go off the anti-depressants.

This is me…well, a small part of me. Here’s to hoping to start doing this a little more often & a larger part of who I am is shown.