Do you ever get to that point in your life when you just don’t feel up to, well, anything?
I’m very good at faking it. Very good at pretending that everything is just perfect, but it’s not. Being home all day, EVERY day with the kids is more draining than anyone imagines. But if I complain, all I get is “well, you could just go to work”.
Thanks for your support.
I don’t work because the cost of daycare would negate any sort of income I would bring in. I don’t work because I honestly feel like I can give my children a better education than the public school. I don’t work because I actually love being with my children.
But it’s difficult. Really REALLY difficult. And not being able to say that just makes it worse.
If I cry, shout, withdraw, show ANY sort of weakness then I feel like it’s just another bullet point on the ever growing list of “Why Kelley Should Make Money”.
Money that we don’t need (this should be stressed).
I just need someone who believes in me. It’s a constant uphill battle. I want to be able to say that I’ve had an absolutely horrible day without being told that being home isn’t my only option. I GET IT, BUT IT’S NOT WHAT I WANT. What I want is to be able to bitch and complain like everyone else gets to do when they’ve had a rotten day. You get to do it…can’t I have a day every now and then without the reminder attached? Jesus!
I’m feeling over-whelmed and unappreciated, not a good combination.
I get it…I have a fantastic life. But it’s not perfect. And if I’m not allowed to say anything negative about it, I’m going to go absolutely bat-shit crazy.
So…how about that happy blog to get me restarted in this new year? Happier posts to come, I swear.